In the Dark, I See
by redhandedwickedlittlemachine
Summary: What happened when Ricky and Amy got home from the hospital?


**A/N: Based off of the song ****"In The Dark I See" by Lights. Also based off of 326. I tried to keep this as closely based to what I think might've actually happened as possible, including the ending. Hope you enjoy ****. **

**Summary: **What happened when Ricky and Amy finally got home from the hospital?

_In The Dark, I See_

_here in the stillness,_

_the quiet place_

She felt sluggish as she dragged one foot past the other, up the steps into Ricky's apartment. The day seemed to have disappeared before they had gotten a grasp on it. Was it really already 11 PM?

Amy leaned wearily against the banister at the top of the stairs. Ricky stepped around her to get to the door. He brushed his hand down her forearm as he slipped the key into the doorway and slowly turned the lock. Amy yawned as he pushed the door open.

Ricky looked back at her, letting his fingers slip past her palm. He tipped his head slightly towards the inside of his apartment. Amy stared at him for a long moment, and then looked inside the doorway. She pushed lazily off the wall and walked into the apartment.

Ricky followed her inside, and the soft slam of the doorway locking into place sent a small shock through her. She trudged through the sitting room into his bedroom, where the bedside lamp was still on. She dropped her purse and toed off her shoes, not bothering to watch where either landed. She leaned down into the bed and draped across it. She felt exhausted.

_where I__'m lying_

_with a down-turned face_

Amy looked up at Ricky, resting her head on the inside of her upper arm. There were too many thoughts and emotions running through her head. How this could have been them. How things could've been so different. How the two people they had been closest to this time last year, were in the worst pain imaginable. How _their_ son got to live, but Ben and Adrian's daughter didn't. She watched as he fumbled with the button of his pants. She watched as his hands dropped, and then he moved to pull his shirt off. And his hands dropped again.

She almost said something…and then stopped herself. _What_ could she say? What was there **to **say?

Ricky pulled his feet from his shoes and leaned down and sat down next to her. She pushed herself up off the bed, and let him slip his arm under hers before she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

_you come and distract me_

_from what's coming at me_

She felt a knot forming in her throat. She felt like she could fall apart all over again, but they'd been crying for _hours_. She hated to say it, but she was too tired to give any more tears out. She adjusted her head slightly, and he brushed his left hand lightly up and down her back, while he held her left in his right.

_Give me something to look forward to_

_Truth be told, sometimes its only you_

She stared head on, and her eyes fell on his closet doors as she took a moment to breathe; to try and swallow down the knot that wouldn't relent on her throat.

And it occurred to her in that moment, she didn't want to know a life that didn't include him. After all the hell they'd been through… All the fights, all the tears. All the night's she'd sat in her bed hating him because of all the empty promises he'd made to her at band camp, only to never say another word to her after she'd given him one of the biggest pieces of her.

Or when she'd told him she didn't want John to love him, though the truth of it all was because she had loved him, and lost him. Even so, she knew that the way she'd 'loved' him then, much like the way she'd 'loved' Ben, was not this kind of love.

"I want you."

She said the words aloud, and they were true. She wanted him, and she knew he wanted her - this time, for the **right **reasons.

"_Now_?"

_nothing is at stake here_

_when we are awake here_

She could hear the hesitation in his voice, and she welcomed it. Yes, now. There wasn't a single time when she had ever wanted someone or something more. There had never been a moment before now that she'd been so sure about doing something. She loved him, and he loved her. He was good to her; good to their son. He was not the man he had been when she had met him. He had been a boy then. This man though, this **person**, would go to the ends of earth for her, and she could see it. He didn't have to see it, or even know it, because she did. He had proved that to her, in those seconds he'd stood with her in the hallway, willing to be her comfort, and letting her comfort him, when they both needed it. When he let himself be comforted with something other than sex.

She looked up at him, brushing her hand behind his head. "Now and forever."

She kissed him with fervor, trying to get her point across. Ricky kissed her back, and slowly they began to turn until she rested on her back, and he was leaning up on his side. He ran his hands slowly up and down her side, under her cardigan.

Amy moved her hands from behind his head, down to his waist. Her arms wrapped around him, like she was trying to pull him as close as possible.

Ricky finally pulled out of their kiss, trailing them down her jaw line, to the side of her neck. Amy pulled loosely at his t-shirt, and Ricky rested one leg between hers, pushing up onto his knees as she pulled his shirt further up off his body. He pulled her up with him and kissed her once more. She pulled his shirt over his head, breaking it off.

_its you who brings the morning_

_and you who takes the sun when I sleep_

Ricky stared her in the eyes, searching for any sign of doubt. Amy moved her hands back up to his face, bringing him back to her. He granted her access and slipped his tongue past her lips as he wrapped one arm around her. With the other, he pulled right hand down from his face, and pushed her cardigan off her shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around her and repeated the process with her other shoulder. Her cardigan slipped down her body and dropped against the bed. Amy pulled her hands free from it, and Ricky tossed it off to the side before they rested back against the bed.

They rolled up onto their sides, and Ricky resumed running his hands over Amy's back. He was trying to take things slow; not rush into this, but she was fighting him. He could feel it in her kisses - how she fought to keep a hold on his lips. He'd been in the position before where he tried to bury his pain with sex.

He leaned back slightly and reached a hand up to brush her hair off her face. There was a tenseness in her bones, and he just wanted her to relax.

"Shh," he murmured as he kissed her jaw, just below her ear. "Are you sure about this? I just want you to okay."

_you__'re the only one who stuck around for me_

_when I was losing faith in what I thought I would be_

Amy leaned back this time, so that she was looking him clear in the face. She nodded, and then her gaze dropped to his lips. She brought a hand up and brushed her thumb across his swollen bottom lip. She kissed him again.

Ricky kissed her back, and they moved once more, so that they were both up on their knees. He moved his hands up her back, to the zipper that finished closing between her shoulder blades. His head dropped to the space between her collarbone and neck, and he sucked gently on the space there, biting down softly. Amy groaned.

He unfastened the small clip at the top of the dress with ease, and began to pull the zipper down. Almost immediately, could feel the knotting that formed in her back; the unease. He lifted his head up and brought one of his hands up to her face. "You're safe."

Amy stared at him for a long moment. She knew that this was different than the last time they had been together. She'd known that for a while now, but the old thoughts were still creeping back in her mind, about how he could hurt her. There was still a small sliver of her, afraid to wake up in the morning and find herself at band camp, three years previous.

She tipped her head slightly, welcoming his warm hand against her face. The corners of his mouth pulled upward just the slightest, and she kissed him quickly and lightly. She brought her hands up to his, resting on her face.

"And so are you."

_you__'re the only one in the dark I see_

He almost looked bewildered at her comment, even though she knew deep down that he knew what she meant. For all the times that he told her that he wanted to have sex with her in the last few months - all the times he had said he wanted to be with her, it was in a pressuring way, like he had been with girls in the past. They both knew this was different for him. She knew she had been asking him to be vulnerable to her. To open up and give a part of himself up willingly, that had been stolen so many times by his father when he was too young to understand.

Amy slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. Ricky moved his arms around her back and resumed pulling the zipper of her dress down. She broke their kissing once again, and this time moved completely off the bed. Ricky stared at her for a long moment.

_I know I lose my heart so easily_

_trying to only show the best of me_

She reached a hand out to him, barely keeping her dress up in the process, as it was trying to slide down her opposite arm. Ricky took her hand and moved to the end of the bed before he stood before her. He slid his hands into the inside of her dress' shoulder straps, and gently pushed them off her shoulders, and halfway down her arms. It dropped in a heap at her feet, and she stood before him in a lacy black bra and matching panties, under her black leggings.

Amy pressed her lips together as she stood before him, torn between wanting to cover herself up, and the tentative idea of moving forward.

_and I go into hiding_

_each time I stop trying_

Ricky reached out and grabbed one of her hands, lacing their fingers together. Amy took a slow step forward, and wrapped her other arm around his neck, letting him take some semblance of control as he kissed her chastely.

"We don't have to do this," he reminded her, making sure he had her full attention.

Amy nodded. "I know. I want to."

Her gaze dropped, and Ricky tipped his head forward slightly, trying to catch her eyes. "But?"

She gave a small shrug. "Just a little nervous."

_oh you remind me of the little things_

_till I forget the part that's troubling_

He didn't ask her why, because he knew. He also knew that there was more than one reason. He reached between them and lifted her chin, making her look at him.

"All you have to do is say stop," he murmured. "Okay?"

Amy nodded slowly.

_and I feel so much better_

_when we are together_

Ricky's hand slid back down between them, and he moved both hands onto her hips. Amy reached out and slipped her fingers into the waist of his jeans. They resumed kissing as she unfastened the button, and then pulled one hand free to pull the zipper down. She pushed his jeans off his waist and then wrapped her arms around him.

At the same time, he slowly pushed her leggings off her hips, and then kicked out of his jeans. He turned them in their spot and moved forward until Amy's legs hit the end of his bed. She sat down, pulling him with her until she was lying down. Ricky kneeled on one leg on her left side, and pulled away from her as he pulled her leggings completely off of her. He took Amy's hands and pulled her back to her feet, moving his hands behind her back. She wrapped her arms under his and placed kisses along his collarbone and neck. He unfastened her bra and moved his hands up to her shoulders, pulling the straps down her arms. She stepped away from him and dropped her arms, letting it fall to the floor.

Ricky stepped forward and gently pushed her down onto the bed. She leaned back on her arms, holding herself up with her hands. He stared down at her lustfully, and she could feel her nerves melting away.

_cause it's you who brings the morning_

_and you who takes the sun when I sleep_

He leaned down over her, resting his hands close to hers as he bit down on her bottom lip and sucked on it softly. Amy brought a hand up to his face, pulling him forward as she scooted backwards on his bed. Ricky kneeled over one of her legs and followed her up the bed, holding her up a few inches by the weight of one of his arms. He trailed kisses down her jaw again, and then to her neck as he lowered her down. He moved in a path down her chest between her breasts, pulling his arm out from under her and resting it in the ridge of her side, just above her hip. His other hand reached up and cupped her breast. He brushed his thumb across her nipple and then massaged it between his thumb and forefinger. Amy groaned, arching her back up off the bed. Ricky leaned his head down to her other breast and took it into his mouth, suckling tenderly. Amy ran her fingers into his hair.

He released each of her nipples a few moments later, and switched sides, enticing her libido more. He pulled away again a few moments later, and trailed kisses down her waist until he was at the hem of her panties. He stared up at her for a second, until she looked down at him.

_you__'re the only one who stuck around for me_

Her eyes were dark with lust and reckless abandon. Ricky nodded slowly and then slipped his fingers into the panties on each side of her body, next to her hips. Amy raised her hips slightly off the bed and allowed him to pull her panties off. Once they were completely off of her, Ricky tossed them to the floor and then moved back to the head of the bed, kissing her.

_when I was losing faith in what I thought I would be_

Amy pushed him onto his back and brushed her hand down his chest and stomach, down to his boxers. She moved past the elastic waist band and wrapped her hand lightly around his penis. Ricky gulped and grunted, twitching slightly from the skin-to-skin contact. Amy began to stroke him lightly, but he was quick to stop her, grabbing her wrist. She looked up at him, and he stared hard at her. Like her, his eyes had grown dark and full of lust. She pulled her hand from his boxers and kneeled so that she could pull them off of him. She barely had them to his knees when he reached a foot up and kicked them down, off of him and the bed. He sat up and pulled her forward so that she was straddling his legs, and pulled her head down to kiss him.

He moved one of his hands between them and brushed them between her labia and slipped a finger inside her, penetrating her. He wanted more than nothing to pin her down and go at it, but he knew she'd only done this once before, and he remembered just how painful the experience had been for her then.

Amy groaned, grinding her hips against him. She bit down on his lip as he tantalized her. After a few minutes, he added another finger, and her movements became more eager. He brushed his thumb over her clitoris and she ground her hips hard down against him, clearly growing frustrated. He removed his fingers completely from her.

Amy whimpered, slumping down slightly. Ricky wrapped an arm around her and moved her off of him so that she was laying down next to him. He brushed her hair off her face and out of her eyes and kissed her lightly. She groaned, begging him for more.

He moved over and straddled between her legs, moving a hand between them again.

"_Ricky,_" she groaned his name with annoyance. "Now."

He looked up at her and nodded, reaching over to the nightstand. Without looking, he retrieved a condom from the drawer. Amy took it from his hands and tore it open slowly, careful not to rip the latex. She moved her hands between them and slipped it onto him, rolling it down to the base, and then gave him a quick and enticing squeeze before she released him.

_you're the only one in the dark I see _

He entered her slowly and then stopped once he had, careful not to move so that she could adjust. Though she wasn't in as much pain as she had been the last time they had done this, the discomfort was clear on her face.

Once he was sure she had relaxed enough, he began a slow pace, thrusting in and out of her. They trailed kisses against each others throats and sucked and nibbled on collarbones as Ricky began to pick up his pace. He found her hands and pinned them down next to her head. Amy began to moan louder, and she knew that she was getting close to her climax. Ricky quickened his pace even more so.

Demanding more control, she pushed him over onto his back and straddled his hips again. She ground her hips against his and started meeting him thrust for thrust. He leaned up to kiss her again. She kissed him back, though the closer her climax became, the more her thoughts scattered. She stopped moving all together as the explosion went off inside her body.

It took her a few seconds to remember to breathe, let alone move, and Ricky was still thrusting hard beneath her. She gave into him, letting him throw her back down against the mattress, and she knew he was close as well. He was sucking and kissing on her neck until, like she had, all he could do was thrust frenziedly, and then he collapsed, dropping against her.

They laid there for a few moments and he struggled to regain his strength. When he managed to muster enough to move, he moved slowly off of her and removed the condom, then exited the room.

Amy moved off the bed as well, and pushed the top blanket off of it before she turned down another and slid beneath it, resting her head on the pillows.

Ricky returned to the room and slipped in between the blankets next to her. She curled up next to him, just like she had been when they had first gotten back. He brushed his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead.

"I wanna go see John," Amy murmured a few moments later.

Ricky looked down at her, surprised. "Now?"

She shrugged one of her shoulders. "In a little bit. I just…I don't want to not see him tonight. Is that okay?" 

She looked up at him and stared at her for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah. I was kinda feeling the same way anyway."

Amy smiled, resting her head back on his shoulder. "I'm glad we have our son."

"Me too," Ricky whispered back quietly.


End file.
